Say a Prayer

He passed away today at 2:30 p.m. The doctor asked my mother if he could remove the ventilator as he was in a lot of pain and there was a 0% chance of survival, he said once they removed the ventilator it would most likely be a matter of hours, but they would keep him medicated so he could not feel any pain. Two minutes after the ventilator was removed he passed on as most of his organs had failed. I believe he was in his late fifties and he had an infection that started around his pancreas and they caught it to late apparently, although they thought they had it licked as of a week ago, but that was not the case as it had spread and his organs began to fail one by one. There will be no service as my mother cannot simply afford it as they were both on disability. He will be cremated and his ashes will stay with my mother, most likely until she decides to spread them, if at all. John and I didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things and while he might have had his problems he made my mother happy, and for that I am truly grateful as she had not been happy in some time until she met him. They were together six years and had planned on moving to Utah to spend the rest of their years together doing whatever it was they loved, but they would have done it together. Not sure why I couldn?t have told him how grateful I was for making my mother happy when he was alive, but that chance has come and gone, quicker then one would have expected as he did have Emphysema and eventually he would have passed anyway, but by something off guard like this it is hard for everyone involved.

May you finally have the peace in death you craved so long for in life. You will be missed.

OUr best to you and your Mom

Raven - I am truly sorry. For your mom and for you and your whole family. Wee often tease on this board, but we feel for you when things go bad. I will continue to pray for you, your mom and the rest of the family. Again - I am truly sorry. I am 66. And I am not ready to die. "In his 50's" is too young to die.

Thanks for all of your thoughts, I will be sure to pass them on to my mom as she could use every little bit.

I wish your mother joy in her memories, and you peace in yours.

I wish you both "the peace that surpasseth understanding".

In the oyster, the small pain of sand produces the pearl. May the pain of your stepfather's passing bring you and your mother a greater understanding of Life, and of finding joy in the moments of happiness as they come.

I suggest you write a letter to your stepfather expressing your love for the joy he brought your mother. Burn it and send those thoughts to what may remain of him able to perceive it.

I took your idea Aurora and did it, and while it wasn't easy I feel a a lot better. Hopefully there is afterlife as I pray and believe there is and I hope he is re-united with his loved ones.

Raven,

The best lesson I got from my father went like this:

Everything else in the universe dies to give birth to something else. Leaves fall to nourish the soil. Plants die off in the autumn to nourish the soil.

My father's take on it was that if there isn't an afterlife, humans are the only creatures that don't contribute.

Ergo, there IS an afterlife.

At 50, I finally understand what he was talking about.

Good thoughts to you and your family. Again, if there is anything we can do, let us know.

I'd like to add something to what AL said. If there are things you want your step-Dad to know, write them out, and make a paper boat out of the paper. There are cultures that believe the boat will follow him.

Raven

I'm always at a loss when I try and express the sorrow I feel when those I know lose someone. Please know that I sympathize with your loss as my father, who I had a hate-love relationship with, passed about a year ago and it affected me deeply. Please convey my condolences to your mother.

I really like AL and gae's suggestions as a way to find closure with him. Might try 'em myself.

So sorry for your loss Raven. As you know I lost my mom at the age of 54. If you want to vent or just sort out your thoughts and need a sounding board you know my email.

My condolences.